As I was on my way downtown for an appt. I had a flashback. I'm not sure if I remember driving to PCI or not. I seemed to relive every minute of the drive to the ER after Jordan's surgery almost a year ago. I remember telling Joe to run the red lights after I checked to make sure there was no one coming. After the surgery J was in a lot of pain. I am helpless to help him. I cannot explain how painful it is for a mom, and probably Joe, to not be able to do anything to relieve your child's pain. It's like literally having your hands tied and watching someone hurt your child! It hurts so bad. I still hurt when I think about it, which isn't often. Thank you God! I have a different perspective on letting some things go now. Some things just aren't so important.
And can I tell you that I was thinking about how Jord has lost his innocence about certain things. I am more lenient, not totally, when it comes to things he wants to do and things he doesn't want to do. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if he misses a couple of jazz rehearsals? Or wanted to change jobs? I stay out a little later to finish watching a movie? NO! I trust him. I do trust you Jord!
I love you Jordan! And I would take away this if I could.
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